At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
