In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......