College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?