On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend