we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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