so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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