If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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