A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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