I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
