and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
