Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
