I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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