he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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