I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
