He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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