you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
