I cut my penus on the lid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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