Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
