I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
