I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
