I cannot find my penis.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
