hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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