i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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