I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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