when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
