Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
