I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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