Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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