she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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