I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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