No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
