its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
