I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Who died my cat blue again?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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