HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
