her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
