I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
