you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this just has baby written all over it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
