id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
