Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize