So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
