garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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