This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if only i could text you this smell
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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