so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
