I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
