I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think my moral compass just broke
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
