Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
