I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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