Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
