The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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