I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
