Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
PANTIES FOUND
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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