im drinking this country out of the recession.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
