ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
