I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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