I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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