Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
