I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
