i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
