My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
