so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
