Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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