Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
