sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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