im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
