Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
