i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want to be your penis for a week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
