Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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