You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize