Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we made out on top of his cat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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