I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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