I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
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Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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