dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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