I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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