just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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