Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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