god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
