We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
